Why Belonging Doesn’t Happen by Accident
I had an experience recently that’s been sitting with me. Joel and I recently went to a camp — not one we run, just attending.
Good people with great intentions.
But something for me felt off.
On arrival we got told where our room was. No real welcome. No sense of what was happening. No one drawing us in. You kind of just had to figure it out and found your own way. We headed to the dinning room around what we through would be breakfast time and worked it out as we went.
And I noticed something in myself.
I struggled to freely connect.
I didn’t feel like I had much to give.
I didn’t come away feeling filled or satisfied.
Nothing was “wrong”… but something was missing.
And it made me realise something really clearly, belonging doesn’t happen just because people are in the same place.
The Difference Between a Hut and a Shelter
The best way I can describe it is this, most environments are like huts. A hut has an inside and an outside. If you’re in, you belong. If you’re not in, you’ve got to try find a way to fit in. No one says that out loud, but you feel it.
There are conversations already happening and people already connected, with unspoken expectations about how things work in that space. And if you’re new — or unsure — you sit on the edge and wonder: “Do I belong here?”
But what I believe we’re called to build is something different at Youth Encounter. Not huts, but rather shelters. A shelter doesn’t have hard edges. It’s not about who’s in and who’s out. It’s about going out, seeing people, and bringing them in.
It’s intentional.
It’s active.
It’s led.
Why This Matters to Me
If I’m honest, this comes out of my own story. I know what it feels like to be outside the hut, to not be chosen and not fit in. And I think that’s why I feel it so strongly now.
I notice when people are on the edge. I feel when belonging is missing.
And I’ve realised, this isn’t just something I value — it’s something I carry.
The Truth About Belonging
Here’s what I’ve come to understand. Belonging is not just being in the room, or being included or with people.
Belonging is “I am seen, wanted, and safe to be here — and someone helped me get here.”
That last part matters. Because most of the time, people don’t just walk into belonging.
They need someone to:
notice them
think of them
invite them
walk with them
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” — Robin Williams
How We Accidentally Build Huts
The hard part is, huts don’t get built on purpose. They actually happen naturally.
They happen when we:
stick with people we know instead of giving space for others
send out general invites rather than personal ones
assume people will be fine and not bother them
focus on running the programme not the person
And before we know it we’ve created a space where belonging is experienced by insiders, but not extended to others.
What It Takes to Become a Shelter
Becoming a shelter is not automatic. It’s intentional.
It looks like:
Moving toward people, not waiting for them
Personally inviting, not just informing
Owning the edges, not assuming someone else will
Creating entry points, not expecting people to figure it out
It’s asking, who’s not here yet that should be? Who’s on the edge right now? And who’s going to go get them?
The Shift We’re Making at Youth Encounter
At Youth Encounter, we use our FACE core values:
Fun
Acceptance
Connection
Empowering
But I’ve been realising something… FACE isn’t just what people experience once they arrive. It’s how we invite them in to our space.
Fun lowers the barrier.
Acceptance says “you’re already in.”
Connection makes it personal.
Empowering reminds them they matter.
We live in a culture where people are more disconnected than ever and people want belonging. But they don’t always have the confidence, capacity, or clarity to step into it on their own. So if we’re going to lead well — in youth work, in community, in faith — We can’t just build good spaces and hope people come.
We have to go out and bring people in. Because belonging doesn’t start when someone walks through the door, it starts when they feel invited.
